From the Very Messy, Can-Barely-Find-Sh*t, Yet Amazingly Functional Desk of
August 4, 2013
Dear Mrs. Weiner,
I feel compelled to send you a note on behalf of women who have been betrayed. Last week, we watched you stand beside your husband, New York City mayoral candidate, Anthony Weiner, as he apologized once again for sending naked photos (not impressive), sexting, and having cyber affairs with complete strangers. You stoically supported your manscaped-man and announced you love him, forgive him, and plan to move forward with him. But seriously, come on!
Don’t think I lack compassion, Mrs. Weiner. Adults make mistakes and do stupid things. I get that. We're all human. But how many chances does one give or get? Your tweeting hot dog repeats his mistakes, minimizes them, and doesn't appear remorseful. In his press conference, he inferred that your marriage troubles might have led to his actions. Hmmm… He sends photos of his penis to strangers, is forced to resign from Congress, apologizes to the nation, does it all over again, and then blames it on the turmoil of his marriage. His baloney has a first name and it's: d'n-i-l-e.
I feel for you. It’s painful to be lonely in a relationship. It's agonizing to jump through never-ending hoops in order to gain the elusive approval of a critical loved one, so deep in his own denial that he can rationalize any behavior. You're certainly free to make a deal with the devil. We all need to do, what we all need to do. I don’t advocate for divorce. Most people want to try everything before giving up on a marriage. The timing is different for everyone.
Why do we stay? We stay because we can't admit we made a major error in judgment. We stay because we thought it was best for the kids. We stay because we yearn for the safety of the couples’ world. But most of all, we stay because we're afraid to be alone. But you know what? We're already alone in that marriage, and my guess is that you've been alone for a while, too. Trust me, I know because I've been there.
At the end of my marriage, I attended a four day retreat at the Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs. When I met my counselor for the final session, I said, “I’m here. He’s not. What if he's not willing to change?” She said, “You can only change yourself.” And then she handed me the book, He’s Just Not That Into You.
“Seriously?” I said. “I paid $3000 for this weekend retreat and I coulda just read the book, or better yet, watched the movie?” The counselor’s answer was simple: “Liesl, denial, justification, and arrogance ruin marriages. On each wedding anniversary, you can celebrate the fact you are not divorced, OR, you can get your dignity back. Take the book. Read it on the plane.”
Mrs. Weiner, you’re gorgeous, but he’s just not that into you. It’s not your fault.
Mrs. Weiner, you’re intelligence cannot be denied, but he’s just not that into you. It’s not your fault.
Mrs. Weiner, you've got heart, soul and passion for good causes, but he's just not that into you. It's not your fault.
Mrs. Weiner, you’ve got connections and your career is on track, but he’s just not that into you. It’s not your fault.
Mrs. Weiner, you’ve got style and design sense, but he’s just not that into you. It’s not your fault.
Mrs. Weiner, you gave him your greatest gift, a beautiful son, but he’s just not that into you. It’s not your fault.
Mrs. Weiner, you have all the courage and strength within you to reclaim your dignity, since he's just not that into you. But if you don't, that will be your fault.
Peace be with you,