I haven't been this nervous since the last time I had to pee in a cup. My hands were shaking then, and my hands are shaking now. There's something humbling about both putting yourself on the line for an audition, and slowly walking down a hallway with a cup of your warm piss. Competing emotions seem to emerge: feeling grateful for those cheering me on to succeed, and being scared sh*tless I'll fail because I suck ass.
At a time like this, who better to turn to for words of encouragement, but the golfer, John Daly? He's been up, he's been down, and he wears his
Top Ten Reasons I Should Be America's Blogger Idol of 2013
10. I can take constructive criticism and feedback maturely, just ask that bitch, Sheila, my ex-BFF. Whatevs.
9. My seven subscribing readers have a lot of social media clout, so handle this truth: you need me.
8. I swear I'll sanitize your foam #1 finger before I use it for my happy dance upon making the Top 12. Yep, I'll sanitize it after, too.
7. Yo, Randy Jackson. I won't be pitchy, dawg. I'll be pithy... Word.
5. I won't trip on my heels when that Miss Blogger 2013 tiara is gently placed on my perfectly coiffed hair. WHAT!?! There's no tiara? Seriously? What kind of contest is this? What? The tiara is blaze orange? Made from shotgun shells by one of the sponsors, Bullet Designs? Okay. That's cool. I've done orange before. I'll make it work.
4. I'm the voice behind the camel in Geico's "Hump Day" ads. I own funny. Whoop whoop!
3. Conveniently, my mother-in-law already hates me, so I can pretty much write about anything at this point.
2. I really feel the timing is right for me to expand my writing repertoire and explore diverse genres blah, blah, blah,... I already rock. My mom says.
Drum roll, puh-lease-ah. This is totally a drum-roll-worthy-moment.
1. Even though I shaved my legs for September, I still promise not to sleep with any of the judges until the contest is over, which clearly indicates my high level of integrity and dedicated work ethic.
Auditions opened today for Blogger Idol 2013. In fact, right now you are reading part of my audition. In the tradition of American Idol, after auditions, a Top 12 group is chosen and given weekly writing challenges. Judges and readers have the opportunity to weigh in* on their favorite contestants after each challenge. A writer is eliminated each week, until only one remains. Fingers crossed. Nothing to lose except the remaining shred of my dignity. Cannon ball!
*Hey, peeps: be a fan from the start, click here and "like" the Blogger Idol 2013 Facebook page. If you are willing, write a post directly on the Blogger Idol 2013 FB page indicating that you think Hairpin Turns Ahead should be in the Top 12! Click here to follow Blogger Idol 2013 on Twitter.
As part of Blogger Idol 2013, I could possibly win these prizes: $300 gift certificate to Marware, $300 gift certificate to Bullet Designs, one free month of Intermediate Level Blog Management Services from Bloom Blogs- value $249, one year of PicMonkey Royale, a gift certificate to Baconery or a $25 Amazon gift certificate.