From the Very Messy, Can-Barely-Find-Sh*t, Yet Amazingly Functional Desk of
Liesl M. Testwuide
Dear Instagram #antiselfiemovement members,
In September, Digital Trends, an online technology magazine, covered the formation of your selfie-hater group, and your goal to end to the growing trend of selfies (photos taken by oneself of oneself and uploaded to social media sites).
Stop. Please just stop. Is the teeny-tiny bubble of the world you live within so ideal, you're unable to think of actual social issues to care about? Why focus on slandering the selfie? If you're going to be frivolous, why not create an #anticouponistamovement? Or maybe a #nomorekidsingrocerystoresleague? The shopper ahead of you in line who sorts through an 8-inch stack of coupons with her booger-faced kids after your serene aerial yoga class must make you more insane than selfies!
Seriously, #antiselfiemovement members, despite your disdain for people posting selfies, according to a September BBC News article, selfies are not a passing fad. In fact, a simple search of “#me” on Instagram, the popular social media site for posting photos, reveals 149,057,815 results! Selfies have become so embedded in our culture, that just last month, the Oxford Dictionary formalized the word selfie into its database of acceptable English words. Let me guess, you mudslingers don't play Words With Friends, either? Hmf!
I understand that you selfie bashers feel posting photos of oneself may signal an
Just because you claim to be too busy to have time for the nonsense of social media, doesn't give you the right to get in the way of the rest of us who have a burning desire to create somewhat misleading online identities.
This MILF (Mother In Late Forties) needs the selfie. You cannot deny me the selfie. I beg you to back off. I've determined the selfie is my new medium for showing the world my sha-pow-pow. And trust me, I’ve got sha-pow to wow. So selfie-hating bitches, take your movement to the toilet, because I think it stinks.
If any of you were regular readers of my blog, Hairpin Turns Ahead, you'd know I've been crushing on comedian Louis C.K. for quite some time. Last year I did an interview with Rolling Stone and created a Christmas music video exclusively with the goal that Louis C.K. would swoon over my dorkiliciousness and whisk me off on a date for New Year's Eve. I didn’t get the date. My dog and I ate olives and crackers and watched Magnum P.I. reruns on New Year's Eve.
However, this year a date with Louis C.K. is within reach, thanks to the selfie. So bugger off, #antiselfiemovement. I'm going to selfie-bomb the hell out of Louis C.K.
Just so you know, #antiselfieleague, I get your feminist viewpoints on flashing our sexy bodies out there. We should read more and carry picket signs, but I feel like time is slipping away. In 10 years, my size 14 body is just not going to look as hot in Spanx and other firm control foundations.
My time is now.
Liesl (with the sha-pow-pow) Testwuide